Something has been swirling in my mind the past days.
It’s about a concept, one that deals with the nature of circumstances a person might/have/will find themselves in the everyday travels of life, and how one must reciprocate. That concept goes like this- when things fall apart, just let it go and move on, because it wasn’t meant to work in the first place.
I find this concept utterly flawed.
Many of the people I’ve met who’ve made a similar statement always follow it with something like, “I’m just being a realist.” They seem to have the idea that because they’ve accepted the negative parts of life, that makes them very realistic, and that’s all they really need. But this is how I see it.
Before I go on, I should mention that I’ve had some wine- some striking Merlot, if I may say- so some of this may sound like a drunkard’s spew of babbles, which in some cases may be correct. But stay with me, because I think I have something good here.
So this is how I see it. If you say that life is just chock-full of unpleasant surprises, and because of this fact, the best thing one can learn then is either to be solid rock against the experiences of life or become a master at letting things go, then say that you are but a realist… well, you’re not quite there yet. You’re only seeing part of reality, not it’s entirety. Though it is true that life is filled with unpleasant surprises, and yes sometimes we’ll just have to let things go, these are not our only choices. Not everything that happens in our lives are at random or were driven by fate. A lot of the things we experience are a consequence of our past actions, whether directly or indirectly, like the universal law of cause and effect.
We may not control our lives, but we can influence what transpires within it.
Let’s look at relationships, for example. The most popular advice I’ve gotten whenever I was going through a break-up was to just move on. Forget about it! It wasn’t meant to be! There’s so many more opportunities out there! And I get it. Sometimes, these statements are true, but not all the time. Some things break out of natural weathering. In relationships, this could be that something like personal changes or growth have created a distance between two people. There’s hardly any way of fighting that. But then there’s times when the breakage is not due to just “natural” circumstances. Sometimes we break it. We lie, we cheat, we abuse, we take advantage. We intentionally or unintentionally cause pain, which can later lead to something we held dear to just fall apart. The whole “just move on” concept doesn’t apply here because underneath all that rubble and mess is a lesson waiting to be learned. If you don’t look back and think about what transpired, you’ll miss the whole thing. And you’ll just do it again- over and over and over. Because you just kept moving on.
There’s another reason why “just forget it” may not work in this scenario, because not everything that breaks doesn’t mean they don’t deserve saving- especially when we’re the reason why it didn’t work. Sometimes we’ll just have to be humble enough to accept that we broke it. We did something wrong, callous, painful. And if what broke was important enough in your world, then I’d assume you’d have the guts to, at least once, try to salvage it. This is when we learn to be strong, when we fight back despite the circumstances. When the world seems to be steering you into a black hole of despair and you shout, “No!” and swim against the current with everything that you have.
**This isn’t to say that you should remain crying over a failed relationship for the rest of your life. This simply means giving yourself some time to breathe in your new atmosphere and realize how you got there in the first place.
This upholds with other things, not just heartbreaks and relationships. I’ve found this flawed concept in almost every issue I come across. “Oh, there’s global warming? Psh, that’s just nature taking it’s course! We had nothing to do with it.” “There’s violence everywhere? Of course there is. That’s just how life is. Stop worrying about everyone else and take care of your own.” “Shit happens.”
Such passiveness. Such cowardice. These are things people say when they’re not bold enough to face the truth, the WHOLE truth- yes, shit happens. But that’s not even half of it. The other parts are these- we can change things, we have an influence, and wonderful things happen too.
Swim against the current if you must. Let it go if you must. But you’ll never know unless you stop moving and really feel your experiences for once. The act of salvaging something is hard, just the thought of it makes most people give up. But some things in life are just worth more than our weaknesses, therefore sometimes, you must not let go.